Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Amy: Week 34 - Enough is Enough

It was hard stepping on that scale today, knowing the number awaiting me would not be a pleasant one. I had been steadily gaining up until a few months ago when I just completely went off the wagon. That's putting it mildly, I fell off it, then slashed it's tires, then set it on fire. It now sits in my front yard, up on blocks covered with a tarp, a family of woodland creatures reside there now.

I wish I had some trauma to blame it on - you know like alien abduction or something equally cool, something other than busy schedules and laziness and general lack of motivation. But I don't.

For this to work, you have to want weight loss more than you want that cookie or cake or bag of chips or the couch. For the last few months I have not prioritized health over instant pleasure, I have opted for the temporary buzz over the long term happiness.

I'm mad at myself. I know it's a waste of emotion and it does little to get that number down. It does little to make it so I'm not gasping for breath after a flight of steps. It does little to give me the energy to want to do anything - play with my daughter, tend to the house, cook a meal - after a long day at the office.

Yes, I'm mad and sick of feeling this way. Sick of wishing I was thinner when a special occasion rolls around and I have nothing to wear. Sick of abusing this otherwise healthy body I've been blessed with. Sick.of.it.

It needs to stop. I gained ten pounds since mhy last weigh in, in early February. Ten pounds that I've worked hard to lose only to gain back again a dozen times. It stops here, it stops now.

It's time to get to work. Who's with me?


Headless Mom said...

Start fresh with spring. (Pointing finger at self!) I fell off the wagon for a while, too, but as of yesterday I'm walking again.

I'm with you, sister, all the way!

Amazing Greis said...

I'm with you!!!! The past week and a 1/2 has been pretty hard for me. I finished up my free 3 months 2 weeks ago and haven't been able to go back to WW, can't pay the fee yet. I have the mind set to work out and eat better. But once I set foot inside the house door after work all "GOOD" mind sets are gone.

HALP is needed, but I'm definitely with you!!!!

Lucrecia said...

HATE that! As if its not enough work to lose it the first time! Congrats on boarding the wagon again, hang on tight!