Julie: Week 5, and dreams

I have a reoccurring dream. It's not a nightmare, but it's a little on the disturbing side. The circumstances are always different: I could be backstage, or at dinner, or at my desk, or sitting on my couch, but the outcome is the same.

All of my teeth fall out. Way more teeth than I have in my head either break off or fall out compeltely. It doesn't hurt, but it's bloody and disgusting and so incredibly vivid that when I wake up, I check to make sure I have all of my teeth. I always do.

I definitely think that dreams are the way for the unconscious mind to work things out when it doesn't have anything else to worry about. I guess I'm a little into Jung and Freud (I did a lot of work with them in my program in college) in thinking that symbols in dreams are somewhat universal. Apparently, teeth represent stability. Teeth falling out represent feeling out of control.

I guess I do feel out of control. I haven't been good about my diet, I've been stressed out and haven't been going to the gym. There are a few things going on that have made me feel disconnected and out of control, too. So how do I gain control?

For me, dieting is about control, and that may be unhealthy. When I lost weight two years ago, I was in one of the most unhappy times of my life-- mid grad school, unemployed, in an awful marriage and generally miserable. I couldn't control any of those things, so I controlled my eating. I am trying to sort out if I want to lose weight now because I want to lose weight, or because I need something to control when I can't control other things. I don't want to lapse into disordered eating, exercising or thinking.

In any case, I'm at 172.6. Down from a gain. I guess I'm not as out of control in my eating as I thought.