Thursday, September 25, 2008

Julie: Week 5, and dreams

I have a reoccurring dream. It's not a nightmare, but it's a little on the disturbing side. The circumstances are always different: I could be backstage, or at dinner, or at my desk, or sitting on my couch, but the outcome is the same.

All of my teeth fall out. Way more teeth than I have in my head either break off or fall out compeltely. It doesn't hurt, but it's bloody and disgusting and so incredibly vivid that when I wake up, I check to make sure I have all of my teeth. I always do.

I definitely think that dreams are the way for the unconscious mind to work things out when it doesn't have anything else to worry about. I guess I'm a little into Jung and Freud (I did a lot of work with them in my program in college) in thinking that symbols in dreams are somewhat universal. Apparently, teeth represent stability. Teeth falling out represent feeling out of control.

I guess I do feel out of control. I haven't been good about my diet, I've been stressed out and haven't been going to the gym. There are a few things going on that have made me feel disconnected and out of control, too. So how do I gain control?

For me, dieting is about control, and that may be unhealthy. When I lost weight two years ago, I was in one of the most unhappy times of my life-- mid grad school, unemployed, in an awful marriage and generally miserable. I couldn't control any of those things, so I controlled my eating. I am trying to sort out if I want to lose weight now because I want to lose weight, or because I need something to control when I can't control other things. I don't want to lapse into disordered eating, exercising or thinking.

In any case, I'm at 172.6. Down from a gain. I guess I'm not as out of control in my eating as I thought.


ShannanB aka Mommy Bits said...

OMG. That dream is horrible. I know you can do it. I've hit a wall the last week and a half and have flatlined.

We can do this!

Amy in Ohio said...

I've had dreams like that too. I don't lose all of them, just one or two fall out. I guess I was too afraid to research the meaning behind it and I just wrote it off to the mixed dental appointments since 2007!

For me, the reasons behind the WL efforts are crucial. If I look back on my repeated efforts, all the times that started with superficial reasons inevitably failed. So I know exactly what you mean about defining your motivation - it's the key to it all.

This time is different for me. My reasons are well-known and through this blog, documented which is helping.

You'll find your path and I think it's good that you're doing it slowly rather than at some frenzied pace where you lose sight of the whys and the hows and ultimately who you are in the process.

You'll get there.

Kate The Great said...

That's so wild. I've had the same worries, and I think it all has to do with the fact my parents shelled out thousands in cold-hard-cash to straighten my teeth when we didn't have dental insurance.

To this day, I teeter on any staircase while wearing stilettos, terrified I'll make a face plant on a stair.

My teeth are the most precious thing about my body (well, perhaps after my brain and heart). I have these same nightmares, envisioning a mess of bloody, jagged enamel spewing out of an empty mouth.

Had no idea it had anything to do with control - but it all makes sense. My life is a case study in walking a fine line between control and disarray.

Time to buckle down, take charge - and maybe flossing more frequently!